There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
