After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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