We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
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She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
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Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize