Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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