There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
