Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
