This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize