If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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