I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
