If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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