Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
