just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
