There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
