the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
