youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
