so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
