so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
