You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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