Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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