Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
