I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
