I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I want you more than these girls want KFC
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
