Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
