it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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