I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
