there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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