But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
