just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
