Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
