Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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