I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Holy shit dude........stairs
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
