I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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