i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
