i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize