capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
