I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
