Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
