my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
