We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
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