My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
so explain again why im purple
no
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
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I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
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Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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