i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
