Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So vagazzling was a success
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
