I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
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Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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