I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Congratulations! We have a period
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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