she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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