I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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