soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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