Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
my liver is dry heaving
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain