Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3