I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
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girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
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he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?