he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know