so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful