I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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