Sponge bath it is.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
