i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize