I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i've created a new STD.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
His nipple licking is glorious
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