Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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