he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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