Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
