He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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